We’re All Walking Different Paths—And That’s Where the Healing Lives

We’ve all felt it. That tightness in your chest when a family member shares a political view that makes your stomach drop. The way your jaw clenches when a longtime friend posts something on social media that feels so wrong you can barely breathe. The quiet, growing distance between you and someone you once felt close to—not because of cruelty or betrayal, but simply because you see the world differently now.

If you’re experiencing this kind of alienation from friends or family members, you’re not alone. In my practice as a psychiatric nurse practitioner, I’m witnessing this pain more than ever before. People come to me exhausted—not just from their own lives, but from the weight of carrying judgments, defending positions, and feeling deeply separated from people they love.

And here’s what I’ve learned: this separation is costing us far more than we realize.

The Hidden Cost of “Us vs. Them”

There’s something that happens in our minds when we divide the world into camps—when we label entire groups of people and then project onto them everything we fear, everything we reject in ourselves, everything that threatens our sense of being right.

It’s called shadow projection, and it’s one of the most exhausting patterns I see.

When we put a label on a group—those people, that generation, them—we create an anonymous “other” onto whom we can place all the qualities we don’t want to acknowledge in ourselves or our own group. And then something remarkable happens: we feel more righteous. More certain. More justified in our positions.

But the truth? This righteousness comes at a profound cost.

It drains our energy. It keeps us locked in judgment. It separates us from the very people we once loved. And it creates a kind of restless anxiety that lives in our nervous system, constantly scanning for threats, constantly needing to be right, constantly defending an exhausting position.

The Wisdom We Forget

Jane Goodall, (who died last week on October 1st) in her beautiful book My Life With The Chimpanzees, reminds us of something essential:

“Let us learn to live in harmony with each other—between the people of different nations, cultures, and religions, and between us and Mother Earth. We’re trying to grow a family of young people who move out into the world with shared values, who understand that although we may look different, although we may have different-colored skin, have different cultures, or wear different clothes—if we’re sad, we cry, and the tears are the same. If we’re happy, we laugh, and the laughter is the same. And within each of us, wherever we are, beats the same human heart.”

Beneath all our different opinions, experiences, and perspectives—beneath the paths we’ve walked and the conclusions we’ve drawn—beats that same human heart.

Walking in Different Moccasins

There’s an old poem by Mary T. Lathrap, written in 1895, that captures this truth with such gentle wisdom:

Just walk a mile in his moccasins
Before you abuse, criticize and accuse.
If just for one hour, you could find a way
To see through his eyes, instead of your own muse.

Here’s what I know from working with people for over 15 years: our personal experiences create our views on life. The path you’ve walked—with all its joys, sorrows, privileges, and struggles—has shaped how you see the world. And the same is true for everyone else.

These views are neither right nor wrong. They’re uniquely yours, shaped by your unique journey.

Your sister who sees things differently? She’s walking in different moccasins. Your adult child whose values seem foreign to you? Different path, different shoes. That friend whose political views make you want to scream? She’s walking her own mile, shaped by experiences you may never fully understand.

And that is okay.

More than okay—it’s the very nature of being human.

The Transformation I’ve Witnessed

When someone makes the shift from needing to judge to allowing people to be different and think differently, something profound happens.

First, there’s peace. A deep, quiet peace that comes from releasing the exhausting burden of being right all the time. The nervous system softens. The chest opens. The jaw unclenches.

And then—this is what moves me most—all that energy that was going into judgment, defense, and righteousness becomes available again. Available for joy. For creativity. For presence with the people right in front of you. For your own healing and growth.

I’ve watched people reclaim relationships they thought were lost. Not because anyone changed their minds, but because they stopped needing everyone to agree.

I’ve witnessed the return of lightness, humor, and connection—not through sameness, but through the radical acceptance of difference.

The Practice: Letting Go of the Need to Judge

We can all let go of the need to make a judgment about everything.

We can experience life and people as individuals—all of whom are different and the same as everyone else.

This doesn’t mean abandoning your values or accepting harmful behavior. It doesn’t mean you can’t have boundaries or disagree passionately.

It means recognizing that someone can see the world completely differently than you do, and both of you can still be operating from the same human longings: for safety, for belonging, for meaning, for love.

Your body will tell you when you’re stuck in judgment. Notice the tension. The exhaustion. The way your mind loops endlessly, building cases, rehearsing arguments, defending positions even when no one’s asking.

That’s your invitation—not to give up what matters to you, but to ask: What if I could honor my truth without needing everyone else to share it? What if being right mattered less than being at peace?

Where Peace Lives

And that is where the peace lives. Not in making everyone agree with you. Not in winning arguments or changing minds. But in remembering that we’re all walking different paths in different shoes, and somewhere beneath it all, we share the same tears, the same laughter, the same beating human heart.

When we stop projecting our shadows onto the anonymous “other,” we get to see individuals again. Complex, flawed, beautiful individuals—just like us.

When we release the need to judge everything and everyone, we free up space in our own hearts. Space for compassion. For curiosity. For the energy we need to live our own lives fully.

So today, I invite you to notice: Where are you exhausting yourself with judgment? Where are you creating distance through the need to be right? What might become available if you could simply let others walk their own paths while you walk yours—with respect, with boundaries when needed, but without the heavy burden of needing everyone to see the world exactly as you do?

It’s a quiet kind of power, this letting go. And it might just change everything.

With warmth and respect for your unique journey,
Inge

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What resonates with you here? I’d love to hear your thoughts. 💚